Balance
by Nejabug
Summary: A short drabble in which Merlin looks back on the good times and the bad.


Warnings: One Bad Word.

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own any of the characters, I just take them out and play with them occasionally.

A/N: Just a short drabble I wrote for my Big Bang cheerleader's birthday. I hope she enjoys it, and hope you do too!

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><p>When Merlin looked at Arthur's face, the first thing he was struck by was the pain he felt from all they'd gone through.<p>

From that first year, when they'd lived in adjacent rooms in university halls, able to hear every move the other made. The blazing rows when one had played music or suchlike too loud, and they called each other every name under the sun varying in offense from 'clotpole' to 'cunt', neither backing down and neither with any doubt that the only thing they felt for each other was burning hatred. The one noise they never argued about - though Merlin had more than enough reason - was sex. The constant sex. It seemed Arthur had someone different in his bed every other night - male or female, he liked to refer to himself as an 'equal opportunities lover'. It also seemed both Arthur and his bedfellows liked to be loud. Merlin recalled with agonising clarity the night his best friend Gwaine had shared Arthur's bed - as he'd tried to sleep they'd seemed to taunt him with every moan, pant and thrust. Merlin and Gwaine hadn't spoken for two weeks after that, and neither had mentioned the incident since. Despite his free love policy, Arthur had managed to maintain a flawless reputation as the golden boy of Camelot University, whereas Merlin had managed to get a reputation as a slut, having only slept with one man (and only twice) in his time there. Arthur had laughed at this, sparking another argument between the two. The year had been hell.

The next year, they lived apart. Somehow that was worse.

When they moved in together again, they created a begrudging truce that triggered a slow growing friendship. However this meant that Merlin, poorer and unable to pay as much towards the flat as Arthur did, became almost Arthur's servant - doing the cleaning, tidying, laundry, washing up, and any random jobs Arthur wanted doing when he felt like taking advantage, which was often. Arthur's string of lovers continued, but he took offense to anyone Merlin wanted to have stay over, provoking them until they either left of their own accord or argued back so that he could throw them out. Merlin didn't know why Arthur wanted to torture him, but he was doing a damn good job.

Merlin remembered the precise second he realised he was in love with Arthur, which was coincidentally the same day Arthur proposed to Gwen, the only woman who'd put up with his philandering ways and arsehole demeanor. Merlin was the first person they told, only an hour after his epiphany. It cut like a knife.

The morning just a few short months later when he had Arthur crying on his knee after their break up. He was less concerned about the fact Gwen had ended it with him, and was more upset about what she'd said in the process: that she'd only said yes to the proposal out of sympathy, and that no one could truly love him because he just treated people like his own personal playthings.

"I don't treat people like playthings, do I Merlin?" He'd asked. Merlin had struggled not to say yes.

The time Arthur had punched him right on the jaw - seconds after their first kiss.

The three times they'd seriously, honestly, spectacularly broken up. The first because of Merlin's jealousy. The second because of Arthur's father. The third because "Of course I don't want to marry you, Merlin you twat, how dare you fucking propose to me!"

But as Merlin gazed down at the face of the blonde man sleeping next to him, all the pain, the hurt, the anger, the resentment and the humiliation melted away. The bad times were replaced with the good.

The first time they'd genuinely smiled at each other, a few weeks into their first term when the knob across the hall from them had complained about the noise of their arguments. As much as they disliked each other, they shared an utter hatred for him, the boy universally known as 'that dick in 4C' (though his parents insisted on calling him Mordred).

The first time of many they'd laughed so hard they couldn't breathe, one of the first nights in their flat fuelled by pizza, cheap vodka and Buffy box sets.

The first time they'd kissed, which had of course been in the middle of an argument. Arthur had been getting over his break up with Gwen by sleeping with as many people as possible, and Merlin had gotten fed up with it. Well into the row, he did the only thing he could think of to shut the man up - kiss him. Probably not the best idea he'd ever had (considering Arthur was angry and starting to feel violent) but it paid off - when they'd got back from the hospital to fix Merlin's jaw they had fairly spectacular make-up sex. Neither had actually asked the other out, and neither could pinpoint the precise moment they became a couple, they just argued (slightly) less and had a lot more sex. Plus Arthur stopped having sex with other people - something he'd never managed to do for any girlfriend in the past, not even his fiance. Merlin often wondered if Arthur felt the same, until Arthur started introducing him to people as his boyfriend, not friend or flatmate. Then he knew.

The times when Merlin would come home late from work to find Arthur had spent his evening baking, because 'Merlin had had a long day and therefore must be in need of lemon drizzle cake.'

The long Sundays they spent curled up together in bed, gossiping and setting the world to rights, only leaving the comfort of the covers and each other's arms to grab some food then return again.

The way Arthur had brought them back together after the third and last breakup - by cooking him a meal, buying a bouquet of balloons because flowers made Merlin sneeze (and not at all because he was a complete child at heart), talking like a real human being with actual emotions for once, and getting down on one knee.

Yes, thought Merlin, they'd had more than their fair share of bad times. But the bad was easily outweighed by the good, and his husband-as-of-tomorrow made everything worth it. He couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life hating, arguing with, relaxing with, fucking, cooking for, cheering up, laughing with, and more than anything fiercely loving Arthur Pendragon.


End file.
